I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
