My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
