he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
