I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
What a dumb baby whore.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
