see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
