I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
