sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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