don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
