Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
