Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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