The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
