He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
