Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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