i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
