Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
