another moral hangover. fuck.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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