And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
