watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
