why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
