Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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