So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
