I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
