remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
