Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
