The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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