Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
