Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
