Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
