i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
