I'm sorry my penis didn't work
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
