Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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