how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
