you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
