STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
