I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Randomize
