in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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