He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize