True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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