I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
