I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
