I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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