its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
