Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
