If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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