I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
