I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
