its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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