Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
