whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize