well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
i believe in u and ur pee
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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