I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
