Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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