What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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