theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
