I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
