This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
