im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I need a burrito and a hug.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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