I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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