standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
