pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Everyone says I win the strip club
Is Oprah even human
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
