i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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