I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
